Too quiet! Dynamics in music are dandy and all, but you should definitely use more compression. I would recommend getting some tools to measure loudness, so you can get a feel for where your track compares to other stuff out there!
I usually export my tracks and play them in foobar2000 alongside some reference tracks, and I check how much ReplayGain shuld be applied (a tool that lets you level match music automatically, very handy when listening to different genres).
A value of -13.00 dB would be considered VERY loud, and something like -4.00 dB very quiet. Compare your songs to stuff similar to what you're going for, and you'll get a feel for what the expected loudness for your track will be!
Additionally, it sounds like the sounds are eating into each other a bit too much, not sure if that's intentional or not.
Otherwise... Some really fresh ideas in there! Maybe a bit overdone (but god
knows I overdo it too like a motherfucker sometimes xD), but if you can find a way to package it in a more accessible way I think it could work.
It's definitely on the stranger side of things, but hey, I sometimes like to hang out there myself, so thumbs up to that! ;)